Breaking Dawn, the Man in the Cauldron, and Rough Seas

Today... Today has been a fog. I miss my babies something fierce. The next time I whine about wanting some "me time," I'm going to remember how my heart feels right now. They always say the grass is greener on the other side or is that suppose to be that the grass is greener over the sewer? Who knows.

So, here's where I stand today. My morning started with what was supposed to be a quick run to the bank. Seriously? They don't open until 9:00? Good grief! So, I diverted to mom's house for a quick thieving mission to grab a thimble and a couple of shades of thread so I could work on getting Grant's badges on his new scout shirt. When I arrived, mom was out so I decided to live the high life momentarily and eat a bowl of her oatmeal. Yep. Just call me Goldilocks. I sat my butt right down in dad's recliner and flipped the TV on. Now, for some reason, Fred and Ethel have the BIG cable package that includes every channel known to man. I don't think they really watch more than three of those channels, though. Anyway, I was completely overwhelmed with my lack of choices despite the quantity of channels. I flipped through some of the movie channels and saw that one of the Breaking Dawn movies was on. I have never read the books or seen the movies. I'm not into science fiction. However, I figured that I'd watch a little bit while I ate Mama Bear's porridge. What the heck? Are you telling me that parents let their kids read these books? I sure hope the movie has been adultified compared to the book! I watched long enough to figure out that the two kids had gotten married and she had conceived a demon spawn of some sort which was killing her from the inside out. I laughed at one point where the characters morphed into wolves. I kept thinking about the Animorphs series! Ok. I know that I've majorly offended lots of folks but I just found the whole thing humorous. I will admit to sitting there for the remainder of the movie just to see what happens, though. Well. That was 30 minutes of my life that I'll never get back! Back to the job at hand... thieving the thread!

Mission accomplished. Then I went back to the bank, which was now open since it was 10:15! That was uneventful, though. I just thought you might want to be able to account for my total whereabouts today. I decided that yard work would be the next job on my list that seemed to be morphing by the minute based on my lack of motivation. So, I thought that I'd start with the trim work and then do the mowing. If you remember my history with lawn equipment, you'll understand why I was apprehensive about the whole dang job! However, I tried to make my attempts at least look good this year. (No sparks, no tumbling mowers, no smoke signals). I checked the spark plug first. Aren't you impressed? I'm not quite sure what I was checking but, it was there and it didn't look corroded or broken. Mind you, I'm basing that on my vast knowledge of spark plugs. Then, I checked to make sure the thing had gas. I was relieved to see that it did because I know that you have to mix something into the gas before adding it to the tank. I was saved from having to figure that one out today, too, though. So, I primed it ten times just like the little label said to do. I flipped the throttle thingy and then tried to crank it. Nothing. The directions on that thing need to read like what's on a bottle of shampoo with REPEAT as the last step. I repeated and repeated and repeated. I was getting rather frustrated because every time I pulled the cord, the dumb thing wiggled all over the place as well. Now, I thought I'd gotten smart and I was doing all of this in the backyard so that the neighbors wouldn't start calling each other to come watch the annual show. However, I looked up the hill toward the house where the crazy lady used to live only to see the new owners sitting in their hot tub watching me. The guy was actually laughing out loud. Holy smokes. I was ticked. I didn't know if I wanted the dude to climb out of his cauldron and come help me or stay there for fear that he was skinny dipping. I threw the dumb weed eater to the side and went for the mower. Screw the trim work. I'll go for the big power equipment! I'll show Mr. Bubble Bath that I'm not incompetent! What I DID know was that my dad had already serviced the mower for me this year and that it would crank with one little pull of the cord. Ha! I showed him! I drained the remainder of my anger toward the probably now shriveled neighbor by mowing as fast as I could.

Now, since several hours have passed and I'm a little more reasonable about the situation, my mind has brought it to my attention that Mr. Bubble Bath might not have even been laughing at me. What if he was laughing at a squirrel running across the fence? So much for reasoning with myself.

With the yard work finished that I could tackle myself (and was out of view of the neighbor), I went back inside to do badge battle. I've been putting this task off for weeks! Grant's old scout shirt was worn out. He's had it for several years and it was ready to be given an honorable burial. It has been through several summer camps, a multitude of regular weekend camps, and countless meetings. It had a good life but needed to be moved on. The problem? All of the badges had to come off of the first shirt to go onto the next one. Not fun! I used this sticky stuff to put the badges on the first shirt and it worked ok but did leave marks and looked like dried snot on some spots. Ok. Maybe it was snot. It was Grant's shirt. Who knows! Anyway, I got the badges off and then had to figure out how to reposition them onto the new shirt. It would have made much more sense to transfer them one at a time so I could pay attention to what went where. Doh! I went in search of his handbook to find the diagram. Meanwhile, I sort of lost motivation to get the job done. When I went to get the straight pens from my sewing box, I decided to pull the sewing machine out and try to sew on the bigger badges. Ha! I'm a genius! NOT! In theory, it would work. In reality, I sort of ended up sewing the sleeve to the back of the shirt. It took me forever to work the stitches out so they wouldn't ruin the shirt. Sometimes, my brilliance is dulled by my own common sense! Then, it happened! I saw a piece of fabric that Annie had picked out for me to make into a skirt for her! Yes! It was time to make the skirt! An hour later, the badges were still littered across the table but Annie now has a cute new skirt!

So, once again, my motivation trumped my To Do list. (If you want to know the truth, the badges are still laying on the table next to the box of thread).

About the time I'd decided to go buy some liquid stitch stuff and just glue the stupid things on, the mail came. Of course, I had to go and get the mail. I wouldn't want it to sit in the box and get pollen all over it. Whatever! It was my lucky day! A music book that I'd ordered weeks ago finally arrived. How perfect! Of course, I needed to peruse the book and play a few pieces. What? Do you have a problem with my procrastination tactics? (Oh, and there was also a violation notice in the mail from the HOA saying that I needed to edge the sidewalk. I think they are in cahoots with the next door guy who likes to sit in his steaming and bubbling cauldron)!

Over an hour later, I decided to go get a pedicure. Can't you see the natural transition from sitting playing the piano to getting a pedicure? Once again, I had major motivation issues today.

So, today I've managed to cut the grass, sew a skirt, and have my toe nails done. That's all I've got to show for myself. If I listed the activities my brain had been engaged in today, it would be a much different story, though. The new meds still have me living in a salad spinner but my body has given up so my mind is now what's taking the brunt of the inertia. I've thought about the kids being with Eric. Eric was always a more than capable dad. But, he gave the job up. I don't want the kids to think he can do it better than I do. Isn't that silly? I feel like I'm trying to win a popularity contest. I can't win since I'm the primary disciplinarian and punishment pusher. I can't always be fun. When he's here, he wins. I really don't like it. I know I'm being unreasonable but... Then, I'm still rehashing last night's events. Trying to figure out the whys of the types that I seem to attract. Trying to figure out how to tell this guy that I'm not interested in another outing. Trying to figure out when I'm going to get these badges on this shirt.

As I've sat here typing, I've had my music playing in the background. I'm convinced that God uses my playlists sometimes to get my attention. Scott Krippayne's song, Sometimes He Calms the Storm, was playing and as I visualized the story of the song, it just cut right through all of the crap that I've been wrestling with all day.

All who sail the sea of faith 

Find out before too long 

How quickly blue skies can grow dark 

And gentle winds grow strong 

Suddenly fear is like white water 

Pounding on the soul 

Still we sail on knowing 

That our Lord is in control 

Sometimes He calms the storm 

With a whispered peace be still 

He can settle any sea 

But it doesn't mean He will 

Sometimes He holds us close 

And lets the wind and waves go wild 

Sometimes He calms the storm 

And other times He calms His child 

He has a reason for each trial 

That we pass through in life 

And though we're shaken 

We cannot be pulled apart from Christ 

No matter how the driving rain beats down 

On those who hold to faith 

A heart of trust will always

Right now, I don't feel like He's calming the storm in my life. I feel like He's just holding me close while the wind and waves go wild. 

So, while I do my best to stop worrying about things out of my control, I'm going to sit down and finish watching The Piano Guys on PBA and leave the dumb merit badges scattered across the table until tomorrow.

^35-38 Late that day he said to them, “Let’s go across to the other side.” They took him in the boat as he was. Other boats came along. A huge storm came up. Waves poured into the boat, threatening to sink it. And Jesus was in the stern, head on a pillow, sleeping! They roused him, saying, “Teacher, is it nothing to you that we’re going down?”

^39-40 Awake now, he told the wind to pipe down and said to the sea, “Quiet! Settle down!” The wind ran out of breath; the sea became smooth as glass. Jesus reprimanded the disciples: “Why are you such cowards? Don’t you have any faith at all?”
⁴¹ They were in absolute awe, staggered. “Who is this, anyway?” they asked. “Wind and sea at his beck and call!” Mark 4:35-41

I'm going to rest tonight knowing that I didn't miss much with Breaking Dawn, the HOA's bark is louder than their bite, the nasty guy next door might have shriveled himself permanently from sitting in his cauldron too long, merit badges can be glued on in emergency situations, He knows the hearts of my babies and can comfort them, and that He is capable of calming the raging seas in my brain with a single word if He feels like that is what's best for me.

Good night, all.