The Future Has Arrived

 

This is the best I've got today. The future has arrived, in case you were waiting on it.

Good night, all.

Getting the Sand Out of the Nooks and Crannies

What a weekend! I'm not quite sure where the time went. As usual, Sunday night becomes a frantic scramble to get things done that I've had all stinking weekend to do! Whew!

With a nearly sleepless night due to my own brain deciding to crank into action about 1:00 a.m. compounded with a snuggly squid lodged underneath my armpit trying to avoid hearing the thunder, I've been in a very dense fog all day. I'm thankful that yesterday's puker did not continue redecorating the bathroom today, though. It must have been something that he ate. However, with the 1:00 a.m. call to order of my brain cells, the squid bed mate, and that anxiety that all moms know regarding the timing of a puking child (will they, won't they?), we did not make it to church this morning. We did tune in via the internet. Annie is always amused when I do this. Although, she was still piled in my bed watching Sofia the First over and over again while I tried to glean something from the sermon. Like I said, "Whew!"

 

We did manage to make some cookies to overcome the ills of the previous night. The kids lovingly call these "poop cookies." I am in continual fear of receiving a note from Annie's school informing me that she has said something extraordinarily colorful at school! I can just see it now! Some well-bred, cultured mom is handing out chocolate cupcakes for her little dumpling's birthday at school and Annie yells out, "Those look like my mom's poop cookies!" I've gotta say that she is the most incriminating nugget out of this three pack.

Those who know me well can tell you that when I start baking (ok, the cookies count as baking even though they are officially "no bake" cookies), I've got something on my mind. Yeah, I do. Just when I think I know everything and I have life figured out - WHAM! I'm beginning to think that I am probably His worst student! Even though I have the instruction book right in front of my face, I continue to fail the tests. I saw a sign the other day that said something like, "When you're in school, the lesson comes before the test but in life, the lesson usually comes after the test." Yeah. I probably need to file that somewhere important. I feel like I've had to revise every single thing that I thought and believed about myself over the last three years. I guess there have been a few boxes that I had shoved back into the corner of my mind and hoped I wouldn't need to open up and overhaul them. Wrong. I'm not going to get into the nitty gritty of it tonight but I can tell you that my visions of what relationships should look like have been majorly tainted by the Hallmark Chanel. While I tossed my rose colored glasses quite a few miles back, I still get hung up with some pretty warped expectations. At this point, it's so hard to separate bruises from the past with the discomfort of moving out of my comfort zone. Ok. Enough said. Sometimes, I just wish I had  some sort of external hard drive that could be wiped clean and reprogrammed with the updated software. I guess there's just not much character building to be gained with that scenario, though, or faith building.

So, to top off my already foggy and feeble mind today, Annie started telling me about DNA. Thinking back, I think she was actually saying something about this yesterday but I dismissed the fact that any four year old would know what DNA was. I just thought she was screwing up the ABCs again and I welcomed that from her - something more toddlerish. But, nope! When I unpacked her school bag a couple of hours ago, there was a sheet in her behavior folder that said she'd learned about and built DNA. There were toothpicks, Twizzlers, and gumdrops in the baggie with the info sheet. Well, crap. I guess I better refresh my memory about what DNA is because I've sure forgotten. Oh well. Once again, I'm dumbfounded by the smarts of the third child. I'm rather thankful at this point that there's not a fourth or fifth kid in the mix. They probably would be overthrowing civilization before they ever made it out of Huggies. How do the Duggars do it? That 20th kid has to be sort of like a mini-rocket scientist!

Yeah, I know it's upside down but I don't have the brain cells to figure out how to flip DNA at this point. I'd probably screw up someone's genetic code by trying to flip the dumb things!

 But, the crowning moment of the day was sort of the final straw. Grant looked out my bedroom window and said, "Um, Mom? Did you know that there's a tree that fell?" Nice. I'm thankful that it didn't end up on the house and I guess I'm sort of laughing at the fact that it fell on the shade tent that I'd already used zip ties to repair. Hmmm.... I'm thinking that I'm going to have to have a tent disassembling party and invite folks over to help me tear that thing down and carry it out of here. I think it's worth a couple of steaks on the grill for sure! Takers? Oh well. Like I said, at least it's not on top of the house, in the house, or... I don't know. It's laughable at this point tonight.

So, for tonight, I'm still processing and trying to be open to this whole overhaul but it's sure not easy. Realizing that you're a stupid-head just isn't a fun thing. And, when you've had your head buried in the sand for so many years, it takes quite a while to get the sand out of all of those unknown places! No one ever said that wisdom is free.

 

¹¹ Discretion will protect you and understanding will guard you.¹² Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse, ¹³ who have left the straight paths

to walk in dark ways  Proverbs 2:11-13

 

Good night, all.

No Fly Zone (for Spoons)

Ok, ok, ok. Yeah. I know. I didn't post last night. It doesn't mean that I'm dead (or running from the law). It means that I fell asleep face down in a book and really never knew what hit me!

So, for those of you who seem to hang on my escapades for your own bedtime stories, here you go.

Yesterday, I left school before I could figure out anything pressing that I needed to do. It's nice to leave early but it usually just means that I have more time to sit in the middle school car line - with Annie in tow. She started getting whiny about 10 minutes in to what would be about a 40 minute wait. I let her get out of her car seat and told her to get a book and I'd read to her. Well, she eventually got the book but not before she pushed every single button and even discovered a bag of croutons and started chowing down on them. I don't ever buy that kind of croutons! I don't have a clue where they came from. I'm hoping that it was something mom sent at some point and it just got pushed up under the seat!

She was very amused with the VOLUME control. I just wish she had a simple little knob that would silence her!

So many buttons, so little time!

At one point, the radio station kept mysteriously changing. Who knew that you could do that from the backseat?

Minutes before we needed to start moving forward to pick up the big kids, Annie buckled herself in and threw me the book to read to her. She was NOT happy when I buckled her back in to her little car seat cage!

Quite honestly, I just didn't feel like cooking last night. I really wanted to simply order a pizza and call it quits. But, in an attempt to be a good steward of the resources I have left at the end of the month (the Cheerios and change under the sofa), I made do with throwing together a stir fry. The kids were not impressed with my shortcuts and decided to have a full-blown uprising. As I look back over the whole debacle, I realize that my biggest mistake was throwing out plastic spoons for the kids to shovel the rice into their pie holes. I'm not exactly sure who started it but everyone quickly learned that plastic spoons make great catapults. Grant tried to cross into the illegal territory and started loading his spoon with broccoli which was shut down quickly. Just FYI, if you're starting a food fight and want to cause quick and devastating damage, broccoli is a good choice. It explodes and sends little broccoli shrapnel everywhere when it hits something with enough velocity. Anyway, since I vetoed the official food fight, the kids simply started flipping the spoons at each other. Don't ever underestimate the power of a plastic spoon. They hurt like heck when they smack you in the face!

Grant used his hoodie to shield his eyes. Do you see the cat? She had seen enough and just got out of Dodge!

Annie (yes, she's shirtless - and pantless if you want specifics) couldn't master flipping the spoon so she just started throwing them like javelins.

Dasha gave up and just went back to eating. Sometimes, I think she wonders if all American households operate like ours.

Today, everyone sort of went in different directions. I had a sitter stay with the girls. Grant feels very insulted when I have a sitter over and he does everything in his power to escape. Today, he managed to secure respite at a friend's house. With everyone settled, I headed north to Tellus Science Museum. I normally have a cloud of children around me when I'm there and I don't have time to actually read anything. Today, I actually took time to read some of the descriptions. It was rather amazing! A meal at a real restaurant was a nice ending to the outing. (No. I did not fling the spoons. But, I really had to maintain quite a bit of control when my straw wrapper slid off the straw in perfect formation. It would have been a perfect wrapper to have blown off the end of the straw. Ugh. Manners are sometimes highly overrated).

I don't know how I was coerced to put my head into that thing! Yeah, I do. I was double dog dared! All I could think about was who'd been in there last and might have had cooties!

So, everyone is now back to their start positions minus the one who is holding his head over the toilet and projectile vomiting. (Why bother even trying to hit the target when you are spewing at that velocity)? I'm hoping that something he ate has taken revenge and that this isn't some nasty virus that is going to render this house helpless before daybreak. Maybe I'll spray the kids all down with Lysol after they're asleep. It's probably going to be a very long night.

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. Deuteronomy 6:6-7

Good night, all... Clean up on aisle 6 - AGAIN! Ugh.

Quit While You're Ahead

Why does the four year old ask Grandma to dig past the kiddie candy and pull out the dark chocolate?

I need a time out seat with a seat belt. Strong willed doesn't even begin to describe this monkey!

Muffins for Mom with Grandma was a success.
Bribing Annie to get out of bed this morning using stickers was a success.
Grant mowing the yard by himself was a success (all body parts still attached).
Dasha getting her homework done in record time was a success. (I'm not checking for correct answers, though).
My plan to get my school work accomplished and walking out of the building this afternoon without my computer or any papers was a success.

I'm quitting while I'm ahead.

Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.

Proverbs 16:3

Good night, all.

Mini-van Miracles and Momless Muffins

I'm keeping it quick and keeping it real tonight.

It's time for an intervention when it comes to rousing this group of chicken nuggets in the mornings. I'm not above bribery. I'm tired of folks thinking that they don't need to get up until I call them the third time! Tomorrow, I will institute bribery on a mass scale.

When I finally got everyone to their designated starting positions this morning, I heard my phone buzzing on the window ledge in my classroom. I never get a cell signal in the building! I answered the call to have my dad inform me that I needed to leave the van unlocked because he was coming to get it. Um, ok. This is one of those situations where you don't ask Fred what he plans to do with the van. You simply start praying that he isn't going to use duct tape (or PVC pipe) in the activity! So, I did as I was told and unlocked the van and left the key for him - and then completely forgot that he'd taken the van!

As I left the building hours later, a colleague ask me how I was going to get home! Doh! However, the van was tucked neatly into a parking spot at the edge of the lot. I could see the greasy black finger prints all over the sides of the white van so I knew that Fred has intercepted the vehicle at some point. When I opened the door, the floor was littered with parts and pieces that looked like they should have been under the hood and not rolling around on the floor. Ugh. I just kept telling myself that I needed to be grateful for... whatever he had done.

I went and picked up all of the chicken nuggets and then thought I was heading home until Ethel called to tell me that I needed to take a detour back to their house. Nice. She obviously didn't know that I had just endured sitting through car line for 20 minutes with a four year old saying she needed to poop! I admit to asking Annie if she wanted me to put a Pull Up on her. Nope. I didn't even offer to take her to a real bathroom. I had my eyes set on the prize of a quiet afternoon at home with a pile of paperwork to do!

Ok. This is really dragging. I'm getting to the point. Basically, Fred had the garage door open for me when I arrived and he had a few choice words for me. Seems as if I'm not an expert on automotive maintenance and had overlooked what he deemed routine maintenance. I'm 37 years old and I still do NOT like to get into trouble with my daddy! Seems that he spent his entire day trying to undo whatever damage I did. (I'm still not quite sure what I did but, he didn't like it). He had the van in ICU for another two hours! When we finally left, he started to lecture me and then quit. Did he realize that I'm a grown woman with three kids, a house, and a job? Maybe he did. But do I realize that?

Here's my issue... How am I supposed to continue the "leave and cleave" part of adult life when mom and dad seem to have taken me back in as a child? It's so hard to find the boundaries. While I want to snap back at Fred when he declares me incompetent, I don't because I know that my Battleship would be sunk without his help. When Ethel oversteps her boundaries as a grandma, it's hard to say anything because I know that without her help, I'd be in major trouble. Fred and Ethel both end up playing clean-up when I can't make the ends meet with schedules, emotions, and even with basic maintenance. Oh, heck. I'm not going to lie. They make the financial ends meet for the kids' activities constantly! Without their help, our lives would look very different right now. So, I ask again, how am I suppose to find the boundaries of being a single mom when Fred and Ethel are constantly having to sneak around the boundaries to help keep the folks behind the lines in working order? You know what this boils down to? Independence vs. dependence.  I hate having to be dependent on anyone. It has taken me years to realize that but it's one of those things swirling around at my core. For some reason, relying on others equates to failure in my book. Maybe this isn't logical or reasonable but that's just how I'm wired. Maybe I need to work on rewiring those thoughts. Hmmm... On days like this, the battle of me vs. them smells like stank!

Here's the other part of the issue... Tomorrow is Muffins with Mom at Annie's school. I'm not going. I feel guilty taking off more time even if it would only be a couple of hours. So, mom is going in my place. Ugh. This jabs me at a hundred different places tonight. Part of me is scolding myself and telling myself that I should have taken the time off and gone despite feeling like I've missed more days this year than any in the past. Another little meanie-head voice is reminding me what a crappy mom I am and I can't even manage to meet one simply little obligation for Annie's class. Then, the little goody-goody voice tells me that missing the muffins tomorrow will not land us in the therapist's office immediately. It's only a muffin. Sometimes, I just want the voices in my head to shut up and leave me alone!

So, I will go forth and pretend that I know what I'm supposed to do now to keep the van in better working order. And, I'll continue to count my blessings of having mom and dad to pick up the pieces that I simply can't hang on to!

Good night, all.

The 3 Stooges Duke it Out with PVC

Abracadabra... You're a... tree!

New Olympic sport - pole vaulting off a tree

Watch this! If I swing my wand at Dasha, I can smack her feet and make her swing go sideways.

Here we go... I can take out Grandma, Dasha, and the dog with one little swipe of my wand!

Aw, Grandma! You're no fun! I haven't caused any blood shed yet!

Do you remember that post about my confirmation of God's sense of humor? Tonight, I got enough evidence to prove my theory beyond a shadow of a doubt. Think back to that post about Fred constructing Ethel the birdseed catcher using PVC pipe. Well, Ethel insisted that poor Fred dismantle the whole contraption due to the fact that it scored very high on the "You Might Be A Redneck" scale. Poor Fred. I guess he put the now useless PVC pipe back into his doghouse. While he was out there cutting the crown molding (remember that from the same post?) to cover the paint blobs on the ceiling, Annie decided to thieve the pipe and turn it into her own magical wand. At first, she just wanted to whack the trees. Then, she figured out that she could reach the bird feeders and rock them back and forth and make the seed go everywhere. (Mom will probably blame the birds, anyway)! But, the best part of the whole darn thing was when she wanted to swing WITH the pole. I sat on the back porch and just sort of watched the whole Three Stooges episode unfold. At first, Annie just held onto the pipe as mom pushed her back and forth. Then, Annie started swinging the pole like her wand and that's when the show got really good! At first, she was only smacking Dasha and making Dasha spin around in the swing. That was ok entertainment. Then, she realized that she could push off the tree and make her swing go sideways. Ok. The entertainment value increased marginally. The best stunt was when she started swinging the wand back and forth diagonally and found that she could bust grandma in the snout and swipe Dasha's feet out from under her with the same motion. The commotion also made the dog run for cover! I'm going to refrain from asking the obvious question. "Why did stooge one and two continue to stand there and let stooge three smack them with the pole?" Maybe I did ask the question. Who cares. It was too stinking funny. At one point, I saw Fred peep out from his doghouse and laugh. My assumption is that his inner child was saying, "Ha! I'll make you think my creations are borne of redneck genes! I hope the ankle biter impales that PVC into your nose!" Neither one of us tried to save the stooges from each other. It was just about the funniest train wreck I've seen in a while!


OK. So, you can tell my exhaustion level based on how easy it is to amuse me. Tonight, I'm very easily amused.

I'm posting the calamity in order to appease my inner OCD diva who seems to feel the need to post every night. I'm not, however, catering to her need to follow the same format as other nights. Do other people argue with themselves like I do? Oh well.

Good night, all.

Hey, Batter, Batter MOOD SWING! Oh, Wait! Duck!

So, standardized testing is done for this year. The state will now be able to judge my absolute value as an educator on a series of bubbles filled in by a bunch of nine year olds. (Sounds like something out of Sponge Bob to me). Anyway, I'm glad that those bubbles are being boxed up and shipped out. Good riddance. With the magical bubble sheets gone, that means I can go back to actually teaching tomorrow. That will be sort of weird. Hmmm... a teacher actually teaching? That's sure a new concept!

OK. Enough with the snarkiness. I was just wiped out by the time I got home this afternoon. Ethel and Fred had picked all of the chicken nuggets up this afternoon and fed them dinner so all I had to do was do a drive through pick up. That was about the easiest part of my afternoon...

This is what I found when I arrived. Little nugget was making sure that gravity didn't mess with the big nugget. I think Grant is probably one of the most protective brothers I've ever seen! (He can also pester the piss out of Annie like nothing else on earth)!

Arrival at home. I couldn't make her budge so I left her strapped in and went to unload the book bags and other miscellaneous crap from the van.

Ten minutes later, she still wouldn't budge. I had to drag her cement brick self inside.

I dumped her on the sofa thinking she'd wake up and go play. No luck! Why don't they do this when they're infants and you try to move them from the car to their bed?

So, she suddenly roused up for a moment and burst out screaming because she didn't know how to say "buffalo" in Spanish. No, I only wish I was kidding. She finally calmed down and I thought she was actually going to go back to sleep!

No luck. The next outburst was about not being able to make her mouth read the words in the book she pulled out from under the sofa. This was really getting old. I turned the TV on and pleaded with her to stare at the idiot box quietly!

She continued to argue about not being able to read. Seriously? Eat your boogers and act like you're four - not thirteen!

Look out! Mood swing! She suddenly started telling me about making Stone Soup at school today and her reading capabilities (or lack of) seemed to slip her mind.

Not impressed with Word Girl. I told her she had to learn her letters to read. Why am I so stupid? Why did I go and bring up reading again?

Never mind. Here. Watch mindless Mike the Knight and learn how to be warm and fuzzy cotton candy so you can go out into the world and schmooze folks.

I gave up. I don't understand four year olds. Maybe when I admit defeat, the healing will begin and I can at least get a good therapist to help me out!

Suddenly, the world is right again and she wanted Word Girl back. It's like Jekyll and Hyde packed into a cute little body!

Oh wait! Never mind TV! Let's bounce this ginormous ball and smash the ceiling fan and watch the dust bunnies go everywhere!

Could you crazy people please go away again? This is too much for my feeble little brain!

Look! I'm practicing for the circus. My spine won't snap! I'm sure of it!

Look what happens if I curl around the ball! I become a ball too and can roll straight toward the fireplace and watch years slip off of your life as you race to protect me!

Once again, never mind the fireplace! I'm working on making my spine more flexible!

It's all fun and games until you roll into the fireplace!
Why didn't you warn me about that mean fireplace?

Look at my boo boo! Call the ambulance! Call me a tutor and teach me to read! Find my blanket so I can take a nap!

At that point, I was ready to send her back to Ethel and Fred in a box without a return address! I simply wanted to sit and watch last week's episode of Duck Dynasty. I felt like I was being mighty graceful and generous to turn my show off in order to watch Word Girl save the world one word at a time. Obviously, Annie didn't have any gratitude for my efforts.

Now, she's neatly tucked into bed and snoring. She's exhausted. Last week's activities have caught up with her and if she doesn't get some sleep, the authorities might have to catch up with me! While all of this was going on, Dasha was doing homework and sort of watching to see where my breaking point would be and Grant was at scouts. I'm NOT going to complain, though. I'm happy to have my chicken nuggets home with me. Their presence simply expedites my journey toward insanity. It's all good. Who needs sanity? It's highly overrated.

Tonight, I'm going to crawl into bed knowing that the issues on my plate (see yesterday's blog) are over my head but under His feet and I'm going to let Him have them. No, I'm not going to sit back on my butt and simply say, "I'm waiting for Him to perform a mighty miracle," and start zapping folks with lightening bolts thrown from heaven. I'm waiting for emotions to subside, wisdom to come (um, yeah, that could take a while), and a few other answers. Quite frankly, on a sort of unrelated note, I'm really tired of people blaming their laziness on God. He gave us resources to use other than our butt. Yes, there is definitely a time to sit, wait, be patient, and ask for His guidance. However, He never said that you'd be able to do what you need to do by that alone. You have to put some effort into it, as well. If he'd wanted us to do nothing more than sit all day, we'd all just be giant butt heads. Ha! I can think of some folks that seem to have made that category. Geez. Ok. Anyway, you found my soapbox for the night. If David had simply set on his butt and continued to wail out to God about the giants, he would have been killed. But, he picked up those stones and went to battle. He wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty. Ok. Yeah. He probably was afraid but he knew he had to do the work. I'm willing to do the work. That's not a problem. I'm just waiting for my marching orders. Consider yourself updated on the issues at hand. :)

Proverbs 14:23
All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.

Good night, all.

King Solomon vs. The Tasmanian Devil

I'm not sure where to begin. Yes. I deleted yesterday's post about an hour after I hit "publish." There were about 125 reasons why I did it. However, there were no less than 24 FB messages this morning from folks wondering if I was ok.

I don't think that I would have considered myself ok at that point. I've finally gotten my sea legs this afternoon and I'm at least in an upright position.

I'm not going to rehash the whole thing. (If you were one of the three or four folks that read the blog before it was deleted yesterday, wow). Here's sort of how it all went down.

Yesterday was the anniversary of the day Eric officially left. It's not that it's really a national holiday or anything but it's a date that I just won't forget.

After Eric had returned the girls to me last night, Annie decided to let me know that I wouldn't be her mama anymore after Eric's wedding and that Xxxx would be her new mom at that point. Dasha seconded the whole idea as if they had been schooled in this theory. I'm not exactly sure what the emotion was that I was feeling but it was not a warm, fuzzy, cotton candy sort of feeling. I tried to keep my emotions hidden from the girls and simply wanted to put them to bed and then collapse in tears. However, as I tucked them in late last night, Annie, once again, lobbed another grenade at me and told me that she would miss her bed when she moved to TX to live with her daddy after Christmas.

I haven't tried to confirm where the girls got these ideas (believe me, they are only ideas) because I sure couldn't have done so with any semblance of grace or wisdom. I would have sounded like the Tasmanian Devil trying to have a conversation while being restrained.

I got the girls to bed and then got a text from Grant saying he was at a karaoke place and wouldn't be home until late. He's 13. I don't know of any karaoke joints that don't double as bars. Do you? In fact, I don't think too many folks enjoy karaoke until they are quite inebriated. Maybe I'm wrong.

As I simmered and headed toward a full rolling boil, I tried to find some logic in the whole situation. I couldn't.

I really did try calming myself down. I tried to watch TV but that didn't help. Then, I started looking back through my devotional. I ran across a lesson based on the account of King Solomon trying to settle a fight between two mothers about who a baby belonged to. Solomon eventually called for someone to slice the baby in half so both mothers could have a piece of him. The real mother screamed out to let the other lady have the baby in order to save her child's life. Of course, Solomon knew, at that point, who the baby belonged to. I feel like I'm standing before King Solomon with all three kids standing in the middle but I can't just hand them over to Eric (or Xxxx). Maybe that wasn't the best Bible story that I could have focused on but... that's where I landed.

See why I deleted the post? By the time I'd finished writing last night's blog, I was at a full boil and it just wasn't pretty. I'm still in a quandary about what to do next. I know I need to confront him about lots of things that went on but, what good is it going to do? Arguing about what's appropriate and inappropriate isn't going to change the events that took place. Blah. However, as you all know, absolutely NO ONE screws with my babies' hearts.

Can I just say, once again, that this is reason number 1,043 why marriage isn't supposed to end like this?

Good night, all.

How do you sleep late?

Here's the day at a glance...

• Getting ready for school in an empty house - very weird
• Killing time before leaving for school - never happened before
• Talent scouts finding a certified acrobat in my room during the CRCT with a near concussion - ugh!
• Dinner with the girls from 3rd Grade Academy - never a dull moment
• Coming home to a empty house AGAIN - getting very old
• Annie refusing to hug me and climbing back into Eric's car for another "sleep over" - no words
• Discovering the show "My Strange Addition" - seriously?
• Renaissance Festival tomorrow - why not?
• Counting down the hours until I get my babies back but wondering what the aftermath is going to look like - I'm ordering a Calgon IV now!

I'm tired and recognize the need for some sleep and a reset before I end up slipping down this slippery slope. I'm turning this crazy show off where folks are stinging themselves with bees and eating cat fur and hoping to drift into a deep sleep and then have the luxury of sleeping late in the morning without anyone waking me up asking me to wipe their butt. (Although, I really do miss her).
         

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

 

Good night, all.

Normal is Highly Overrated

Today was L O N G! Getting the kids out of bed this morning was sort of like trying to get snot to ooze in a predictable pattern and be efficient. Once I'd strapped all three nuggets into the van with their oatmeal, I hit the road only to find myself stuck in traffic. Nice. When you work in an office and you run late, it's no big deal. Your boss might be pissed off and you might get a late start but they will get over it. Teachers can't be late. If the teacher is late, an entire herd of little people will be left unattended and will, most likely, revolt. I don't do late! The bigger problem was the the big kids catch connecting buses from my elementary school over the the middle school. If they miss their ride on the big yellow Twinkie, someone has to be the clean up crew and drive them. When I realized that there was no way that they'd make their connecting flight, I had Grant call Eric to play back up. When traffic finally did what I wanted it to and cleared out of my way, I dropped Annie at the sitter's house, dropped the big kids out front of the school so Eric could claim them, and then I raced to get my own things together. With standardized testing this week, there's a very specific routine we have to follow and I was really getting my drawers in a knot over being late and having to rush. Did I mention that I don't do late?

Anyway, I gave the test, ate lunch with a bunch of ladies who make normal seem relative, and then started science. Quite honestly, my nerves hadn't really ever recovered from my tardiness and I was living on the edge. The only constructive thing we had to accomplish after lunch was a science review before tomorrow's science test. As we reviewed rocks and minerals, I needed to review the term cleavage. Yes, I did say cleavage. Believe it or not, that refers to the manner in which a rock breaks. Get your mind out of the gutter! However, as I was trying to draw some mnemonic strategies to help the kids remember, I drew two rocks. Dang it! The rocks looked like boobs! Cleavage... boobs. Geez. Of course, the kids didn't realize it but I had just sunk my own battleship. Review over. What's wrong with me? Then, there was recess and the migration of the chicken nuggets back to their origins.

I sort of hated to send all of those chicken nuggets home today despite my lack of patience. I wasn't ready to head home and face an empty house again. The kids are with Eric again tonight and probably tomorrow night, too. I hate sharing them. Do you want to know my own selfish thoughts? Here they are. I have invested so much time with them. I don't want to share them with someone who carelessly walked away. Why do I have to give up time with them just so he can have time? Ugh. If I stay on this rant for too long, it would most definitely be toxic. I'm quite aware of my thoughts and feelings about this whole scenario. Bottom line, why do I have to share my wonderful little creations? Are my feelings ok? Yeah. They're my feelings. Nothing wrong with feelings. Am I being unreasonable? Yeah. I know I'm being unreasonable but this is one of those situations where my heart and brain are out of synch. So, I find myself alone again in my own house. Tomorrow morning, I will only have to get myself up and ready for school. I'm not sure I'm going to know how to do that. I'll probably still jump out of the shower and streak down the hall yelling at Grant to get up for the fifth time just out of habit.

One of the positives of coming home to the empty house was finding that my dad was on his way to look at the air conditioning unit. However, some of the girls at school told me that I could flip the "reset" switch on the unit and see if that would help. I went to look for the "reset" switch only to find that some of the wires had been chewed through. There's a family of very brazen bunnies that like to hang out in the back yard and they obviously had a Rabbits Gone Wild party and gnawed through a bunch of stuff.

Bottom line, I never found a "reset" button. I'm beginning to wonder if someone was just getting a good laugh out of me! If so, they'd better look out! I will get even!

Anyway, Fred showed up to work on the unit and when I mentioned the magical button, he gave me the look that says, "Dang! That's an awesome joke! I wish I'd thought of that first!" I went back inside to get ready for Bible study. Within a few minutes, I looked out my bedroom window to Fred disassembling the entire AC unit (I'll admit to having a slight panic attack because I wasn't sure that duct tape would reassemble some of those things) and Ethel pulling weeds from around the back fence. These folks have their own house and huge yard to take care of. I really try not to become one of those grown kids who turns into a mooch and resorts to relying on their parent's resources. I hate to depend on others. Yes, I know. That's a whole different therapy appointment.

Eventually, Fred came in and stomped upstairs. Why do I still get a nervous feeling when my father stalks me down like a feeble prey? He stood in my doorway for a few seconds. I finally asked him what the damage was and about that time, I heard the air kick on. Not only did it kick on, it actually was forcing cold air out. Wow. When I asked him what he did, he simply replied, "Don't ask, don't tell." I'm sure that means that the fix involved duct tape, something semi-illegal, and several small miracles that he didn't blow himself up during the maneuver.

So, it's now 10:30 on a school night and I'm home alone. It's so strange. I'm heading to bed after a good night at Bible study but I'm still not finished talking with myself about my attitude regarding the kids being with Eric. I have to get myself to realize that I have to share. There's lots of other stuff that I have to talk to myself about and I figure that this is a good night to do it. I just hate it when I don't pay attention to myself and then I have to get firm with myself and might end up having to impart a consequence on myself. Geez. Being normal must be so easy.

 But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

1 Corinthians 9:27

Good night, all.

Mindlessly Melting

I don't have anything interesting to say tonight other than, "I'm melting!" I have to figure out a way to get the air fixed in this house! In the words of Porky Pig, "That's all folks!"

Seriously, that's it. That's all I've got tonight.

Good night, all.

Dinner and a Show: Fred vs. Ethel

Is it possible to be so tired that you aren't tired any more? If so, that's where I'm at. The tension of the impending CRCT has sort of subsided and now, I'm simply in "get her done" mode.

Once again, Eric was on pick up duty this afternoon so that left me with supposedly unlimited options. However, quite frankly, I just didn't want to be alone. So, I grabbed dinner at my new favorite Thai joint (who knew I liked Thai food - Dora the Explorer learned something new on an adventure) and headed to my parents' house. Seriously? Yeah, I know. I kept hearing strains of Bon Jovi's "Who Says You Can't Go Home." So, with my little take out box in hand, I crashed Fred and Ethel's place.

When I got there, I found them nestled on the screened in back porch like a Norman Rockwell painting. Just kidding. I think Norman Rockwell would run screaming at the thought of painting my parents. What I actually found was mom seated at the table with her glass of tea and my dad pointing toward two long pieces of PVC pipe which had been cemented into the ground on either side of mom's favorite bird feeder. Well, heck! I just got myself dinner and a show without having to pay for the show. I knew this was going to be really good! As my parents ignored me and continued their "banter," I learned that mom had mentioned seeing a picture in one of her demented Birds and Blooms magazines. I can't even peruse that magazine without getting antsy. I like my yard to look nice despite what the HOA may think, but I just can't get on board with the crazy folks that read that magazine. Anywho... Mom had made the mistake of telling dad about a picture or article she'd seen about putting some sort of tray underneath bird feeders to catch all of the seed that the careless birds throw out. My mom gets incredibly ticked off when the birds only eat the sunflower seeds out of the mix and then toss the remainder on the ground. She seems to think they understand that the sunflower seeds are the most expensive and do it on purpose. Yes, mom. The birds do think about the cost of the seed and are plotting to bankrupt you on birdseed! So, mom told dad about this tray system and he had devised his own system of trapping the birdseed which happened to include ginormous PVC pipes sticking straight out of the ground like flag poles. (I really wish that I'd had the guts to take a picture of the contraption but I just kept eating my noodles and chicken and enjoyed the show).

The absolute height of the whole comedy was when my mom snarkily said to my dad, "Roy! If you were still working, tonight would have been your night to close up!" Translation - I don't like you being retired. I'm tired of your projects! I want to come home and NOT find PVC cemented into the ground!

By this time, I was having a very hard time controlling my laughter. Fred knows that I'm a sucker and will almost always take his side if he hasn't committed a major felony and his intent was pure. Which, in this situation, you've gotta understand that his intent was 200% pure. He simply wanted to fix a problem for Ethel. She offered him a solution from a fancy pants magazine and he came up with the Duck Dynasty solution. Sometimes, I really wish she could see that his motivation is not to destroy her house but only to help her. Anyway, about that time, he looked toward me. I think they'd actually forgotten that I'd been sitting there silently enjoying the prime time comedy. He asked me if I thought the 7 foot tall PVC pipes cemented into the flower bed looked tacky. My mom was complaining that they'd just spent hundreds of dollars to have the backyard seeded and the beautiful grass had just started growing and the cement ruined the whole effect. In an attempt to keep myself out of time-out, I simply offered a solution to both of them- Krylon. While my dad likes to fix things with PVC pipes and duct tape, I prefer spray paint and hot glue. I told them to spray paint the cement blobs with green paint and then paint the PVC, as well, and it would blend right in. My mom huffed at me and my dad beamed. Ok. I'll admit that I'm sort of a daddy's girl and take great pride in helping him defeat my mom's lack of adventure and conservative nature. Now, I'm still not sure how in the world Fred is going to use that PVC pipe to catch excess birdseed but that part of the equation had been lost. Who cared.

About that time, my dad piped up and told me that he wanted me to see the room he'd painted upstairs. The look on Ethel's face told me that she obviously didn't give him permission to paint, either! He had painted my sister's room a light bluish-gray color. I waited for Ethel to lob some sort of complaint but before she could do it, Fred admitted to the blobs of gray on the freshly painted white ceiling and noted that he'd take care of it. Ethel's comeback, "Well, once you put the crown molding up, you won't be able to see it." I don't think I've ever seen Fred look at her like that. I felt like I was standing on the platform in between the Rock 'Em Sock 'Em figures about ready to get rocked or socked. Trapped. So much for my dinner and a show. I was now in the middle of the show. At that point, Fred led me into the hallway to show me a ding that Ethel had put in the paint in the hallway. The two of them kept dishing it out like they were two years old. Now, please note that Fred and Ethel weren't yelling and they weren't really mad at each other. It was more like friendly banter between a cat and a rabid dog but it was getting too much for me. I politely excused myself and fled the scene. Part of me wonders if I should call over there and see who won but I'm afraid that I might get an earful from my mom about encouraging Fred to use spray paint.

When Grant was born, I think Dad's first thought was, "Yes! I have a partner in crime!"

So much for not wanting to be alone. As I sat and pondered the whole show, I realized that Uncle Si and my dad must be related somehow. My poor dad has the soul of a rambunctious five year old while my mom seems to be driven by... a much more mature soul. (If you tell her that I said that, I'll book you a ticket for their next show)! I love my dad's spirit and heart of gold and just hate that he doesn't have the ability to do the things he used to love like flying and hanging out at the airport getting into mischief. He's like a puppy. If you don't give him something constructive to do, he turns destructive, but I love him anyway.

When I finally made it home, I procrastinated about laundry until I couldn't find anything else to possibly do. I will admit that the load of laundry that's currently in the washer has been run three times now. I'm not sure when I put the original load in but it soured. So, I just added the couple of items that I needed to wash to the original load and ran it again. Then, I pulled those couple of items out and threw them in the dryer. Oops. The original load soured again! So, I did the same thing again! Tonight, I decided that it was time to break the cycle and actually run the load and move it to the dryer (where it will probably stay until the end of the week). I simply cannot figure out an effective way to do laundry. Obviously, the way I'm doing it now isn't really the most efficient. Oh well.

With laundry in the dryer, lunches for everyone packed, kids all bathed and in bed, I'm going to crash for the night.

I'm sure everyone out there in blog land can sleep better knowing all about my day, though.

Above all, keep your love for one another at full strength, since love covers a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:8

Good night, all.