Brains MIA, Echoing Poots, and Contentment

Yep. That would be me. I definitely missed the line for brains or the other possibility is that I got in line for a squirrel brain instead of the correct version which I'm sure should have been an XXL model. Stop laughing! It has been one of those days!

The whole day sort of started off like a B class comedy movie. As I was drying my hair, I realized that the texture of my hair was really weird. Then, it dawned on me. I never washed the conditioner out. Do over! Then, after getting both girls ready to go which was quite difficult after a week off, I piled everyone in the van and backed out. It would have been helpful if I'd opened the garage door first, though. Calm down! There was no damage done! The moment the back of the van made contact with the door, both girls went silent. Their eyes looked like boiled eggs! For some reason, I was able to laugh. Like I said, I know insanity is looming just around the corner when something like that just causes me to burst into a fit of giggles. I think I saw both girls check their seat belts to make sure that they'd be safe if my driving skills didn't improve before I cleared the end of the driveway.

School was a day full of tension. We start standardized testing tomorrow. Nothing drives a teacher's blood pressure up more than to realize that an entire year's worth of work is going to be judged on the basis of 50 questions. Oh well. I've done the best I can do.

After school, I had to stop and get some more double stick tape to finish off Grant's uniform. Yes, you heard me. Double stick tape. Are you judging? He had a couple of badges that would need to be upgraded after tonight's ceremony so I refused to permanently adhere them to his new shirt and decided that by slapping several layers of double stick tape onto the back of those badges, they'd stay put long enough to get him through the ceremony tonight. You'll be happy, happy, happy to know that they did stay on! (Plan B was duct tape)!

The ceremony was interesting at best. I guess the ceremony wasn't the problem at all. It was the guest list. Eric, his mom, and his brother were seated in a pew behind Annie, Dasha, and myself. That wasn't a big deal at all. Whatever. Enter Ethel and Fred. Poor Annie kept waving to my dad and he didn't do anything more than a three second drive by to make her want him more. He went on to take his seat with the scouts. Then mom came in and sat next to me but refused to speak or even breathe in the direction of Eric. She just sat down on the pew and held her purse on her lap like it contained her last breath. At one point, I started wondering if she had something in that purse that I needed to be worried about. Oh, heck. In my silly little mind, I was envisioning grabbing it and running with it and seeing if she'd chase me. What's wrong with me? Why would I have day dreams about stealing semi-elderly folk's purses? Once again, here's another sign as to my coming insanity certification. If I'm ok with the whole seating (and life) situation, why can't Ethel and Fred move on, too? Their attitudes are beginning to wear on me. Geez. Life is too short. Grow up (or I'll steal your purse).

Anyway, the ceremony was longer than usual and Annie started to get antsy. I had grabbed a coloring book and some colored pencils but she tired of that in about 15 nanoseconds. She preferred doing crocodile death rolls on my lap. At one point, she was sitting in the floor and using her fingers like little people and racing them back and forth across the hymnals. Whatever. She was being quiet. Then, she made that noise that all toddlers seem to find amusing. Except, she sounded like a 100 year old man who just ate four boxes of prunes. Ugh. She looked up at me and smiled that little angelic smile that means she knows that I'm about to snatch her up and she's making a final attempt at redemption. But, her look quickly changed to a look of horror and she said she needed to go potty. Of course she did. I started to toss her over the pew back to Eric and let him take her since she got that talent from him. Oh well. If you've ever been the keeper of a toddler before, you understand exactly what I'm talking about. However, she was even more pleased with her...um... "musical" skills once we were in the empty bathroom where everything echoed. I really thought that boys were the only creatures who behave like this. Wrong!

The ceremony ended and I headed home with the girls and then Grant was delivered a little while later. Tonight, I have all three chicken nuggets back home. It makes my heart happy. Like I've said all week, as much as I whine and complain about wanting time alone, I'm beginning to realize that I'll have a season for that later in life. Now, I'll be happy about having a house where each bed holds a warm (smelly) body that I can go in and snuggle. Happy, happy, happy.

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

Good night, all

A-ha Moments and Fishing in the Toilet

I'm going to keep it short tonight. My filter seems to have a slight operational issue so I'm not going to risk spilling something that shouldn't be.

My day consisted of church this morning, grocery shopping, prepping for the week, and getting two of my three chicken nuggets back. Now, I'm getting the girls ready for bed and they will have crashed before 8:00.

I had two a-ha moments today, though. The first one came during Sunday school this morning when I watched a group of women reach out to another one in pain. It's been a long time since I've seen the body of Christ respond like that with such authenticity and unconditional love. I realized that although I've been plugged into a class, I really haven't let my guard down. I've been a seat warmer in the back row. Sort of like a brick. I took nothing and gave nothing. Last week, the lesson brought a few of those walls down but this morning... The last time I was actively engaged in a church group, I watched a couple who'd had an affair and then married each other sit across from me and say that it was God's will that they be together. No one refuted them or hurled bricks at their heads like I wanted them to do. (I didn't ever say that I had tons of grace)! Anyway, I think I kind of wrote all church groups off as fake and full of folks there for the wrong reasons. Ha! When will I ever learn? I can be so judgmental. It's not my call to make as to their motivation on being there and, as resident brick in the back row, I sure don't have any room to stamp anyone as fake. I have a hard time just being responsible for me! (Heck, it's a full time job! Why in the world would I try to take on anyone else's crap)? Ok. That was a-ha moment one.

There have been several catalysts in the last couple of days that vaulted me head first into my second a-ha moment. I realized that, sometimes, there are people who come through your life to walk with you for a short season but impact your life in an incredible way. I know this concept isn't anything new but when you put a name with the whole idea, puzzle pieces finally fit together. I'm thankful to have someone like that who has encouraged, corrected, loved, protected, and sometimes even just stood still and let me cry a river around his feet. It's like having a Nimitz class ship full of strength but loaded with humanitarian aid following me around. That friendship has given me the ability to see ME for who I am and not who I think others want me to be. Thank you.

So, there you have it. I think the only things I left out the equation were dropping my watch into the toilet at church this morning and having to play Go Fish in a public toilet and then rushing to get out of the grocery store in the rain only to have a pack of water bottles come out of their packaging and roll everywhere across the wet parking lot. I'll admit that both instances just drove me to laughter. I'm pretty sure that indicates some sort of mental condition but... Oh, and I did get those stupid badges onto Grant's shirt.

Once again, I stopped stressing out and just bought a pack of the fusible webbing and ironed those suckers right on! I can go back and stitch around them if I continue to feel the need to have them officially sewn on but I doubt that will happen!

I've just tucked both girls into bed and I'm listening to Annie sing one of her favorite Barbie tunes. Ah. This is what bed time is supposed to sound like! I miss Grant's antics tonight but.. we won't go there tonight. I'll see him tomorrow night at his scout Court of Honor. I miss my gentle giant. I love my babies something fierce.

Proverbs 1:7
Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.

Good night, all.

Breaking Dawn, the Man in the Cauldron, and Rough Seas

Today... Today has been a fog. I miss my babies something fierce. The next time I whine about wanting some "me time," I'm going to remember how my heart feels right now. They always say the grass is greener on the other side or is that suppose to be that the grass is greener over the sewer? Who knows.

So, here's where I stand today. My morning started with what was supposed to be a quick run to the bank. Seriously? They don't open until 9:00? Good grief! So, I diverted to mom's house for a quick thieving mission to grab a thimble and a couple of shades of thread so I could work on getting Grant's badges on his new scout shirt. When I arrived, mom was out so I decided to live the high life momentarily and eat a bowl of her oatmeal. Yep. Just call me Goldilocks. I sat my butt right down in dad's recliner and flipped the TV on. Now, for some reason, Fred and Ethel have the BIG cable package that includes every channel known to man. I don't think they really watch more than three of those channels, though. Anyway, I was completely overwhelmed with my lack of choices despite the quantity of channels. I flipped through some of the movie channels and saw that one of the Breaking Dawn movies was on. I have never read the books or seen the movies. I'm not into science fiction. However, I figured that I'd watch a little bit while I ate Mama Bear's porridge. What the heck? Are you telling me that parents let their kids read these books? I sure hope the movie has been adultified compared to the book! I watched long enough to figure out that the two kids had gotten married and she had conceived a demon spawn of some sort which was killing her from the inside out. I laughed at one point where the characters morphed into wolves. I kept thinking about the Animorphs series! Ok. I know that I've majorly offended lots of folks but I just found the whole thing humorous. I will admit to sitting there for the remainder of the movie just to see what happens, though. Well. That was 30 minutes of my life that I'll never get back! Back to the job at hand... thieving the thread!

Mission accomplished. Then I went back to the bank, which was now open since it was 10:15! That was uneventful, though. I just thought you might want to be able to account for my total whereabouts today. I decided that yard work would be the next job on my list that seemed to be morphing by the minute based on my lack of motivation. So, I thought that I'd start with the trim work and then do the mowing. If you remember my history with lawn equipment, you'll understand why I was apprehensive about the whole dang job! However, I tried to make my attempts at least look good this year. (No sparks, no tumbling mowers, no smoke signals). I checked the spark plug first. Aren't you impressed? I'm not quite sure what I was checking but, it was there and it didn't look corroded or broken. Mind you, I'm basing that on my vast knowledge of spark plugs. Then, I checked to make sure the thing had gas. I was relieved to see that it did because I know that you have to mix something into the gas before adding it to the tank. I was saved from having to figure that one out today, too, though. So, I primed it ten times just like the little label said to do. I flipped the throttle thingy and then tried to crank it. Nothing. The directions on that thing need to read like what's on a bottle of shampoo with REPEAT as the last step. I repeated and repeated and repeated. I was getting rather frustrated because every time I pulled the cord, the dumb thing wiggled all over the place as well. Now, I thought I'd gotten smart and I was doing all of this in the backyard so that the neighbors wouldn't start calling each other to come watch the annual show. However, I looked up the hill toward the house where the crazy lady used to live only to see the new owners sitting in their hot tub watching me. The guy was actually laughing out loud. Holy smokes. I was ticked. I didn't know if I wanted the dude to climb out of his cauldron and come help me or stay there for fear that he was skinny dipping. I threw the dumb weed eater to the side and went for the mower. Screw the trim work. I'll go for the big power equipment! I'll show Mr. Bubble Bath that I'm not incompetent! What I DID know was that my dad had already serviced the mower for me this year and that it would crank with one little pull of the cord. Ha! I showed him! I drained the remainder of my anger toward the probably now shriveled neighbor by mowing as fast as I could.

Now, since several hours have passed and I'm a little more reasonable about the situation, my mind has brought it to my attention that Mr. Bubble Bath might not have even been laughing at me. What if he was laughing at a squirrel running across the fence? So much for reasoning with myself.

With the yard work finished that I could tackle myself (and was out of view of the neighbor), I went back inside to do badge battle. I've been putting this task off for weeks! Grant's old scout shirt was worn out. He's had it for several years and it was ready to be given an honorable burial. It has been through several summer camps, a multitude of regular weekend camps, and countless meetings. It had a good life but needed to be moved on. The problem? All of the badges had to come off of the first shirt to go onto the next one. Not fun! I used this sticky stuff to put the badges on the first shirt and it worked ok but did leave marks and looked like dried snot on some spots. Ok. Maybe it was snot. It was Grant's shirt. Who knows! Anyway, I got the badges off and then had to figure out how to reposition them onto the new shirt. It would have made much more sense to transfer them one at a time so I could pay attention to what went where. Doh! I went in search of his handbook to find the diagram. Meanwhile, I sort of lost motivation to get the job done. When I went to get the straight pens from my sewing box, I decided to pull the sewing machine out and try to sew on the bigger badges. Ha! I'm a genius! NOT! In theory, it would work. In reality, I sort of ended up sewing the sleeve to the back of the shirt. It took me forever to work the stitches out so they wouldn't ruin the shirt. Sometimes, my brilliance is dulled by my own common sense! Then, it happened! I saw a piece of fabric that Annie had picked out for me to make into a skirt for her! Yes! It was time to make the skirt! An hour later, the badges were still littered across the table but Annie now has a cute new skirt!

So, once again, my motivation trumped my To Do list. (If you want to know the truth, the badges are still laying on the table next to the box of thread).

About the time I'd decided to go buy some liquid stitch stuff and just glue the stupid things on, the mail came. Of course, I had to go and get the mail. I wouldn't want it to sit in the box and get pollen all over it. Whatever! It was my lucky day! A music book that I'd ordered weeks ago finally arrived. How perfect! Of course, I needed to peruse the book and play a few pieces. What? Do you have a problem with my procrastination tactics? (Oh, and there was also a violation notice in the mail from the HOA saying that I needed to edge the sidewalk. I think they are in cahoots with the next door guy who likes to sit in his steaming and bubbling cauldron)!

Over an hour later, I decided to go get a pedicure. Can't you see the natural transition from sitting playing the piano to getting a pedicure? Once again, I had major motivation issues today.

So, today I've managed to cut the grass, sew a skirt, and have my toe nails done. That's all I've got to show for myself. If I listed the activities my brain had been engaged in today, it would be a much different story, though. The new meds still have me living in a salad spinner but my body has given up so my mind is now what's taking the brunt of the inertia. I've thought about the kids being with Eric. Eric was always a more than capable dad. But, he gave the job up. I don't want the kids to think he can do it better than I do. Isn't that silly? I feel like I'm trying to win a popularity contest. I can't win since I'm the primary disciplinarian and punishment pusher. I can't always be fun. When he's here, he wins. I really don't like it. I know I'm being unreasonable but... Then, I'm still rehashing last night's events. Trying to figure out the whys of the types that I seem to attract. Trying to figure out how to tell this guy that I'm not interested in another outing. Trying to figure out when I'm going to get these badges on this shirt.

As I've sat here typing, I've had my music playing in the background. I'm convinced that God uses my playlists sometimes to get my attention. Scott Krippayne's song, Sometimes He Calms the Storm, was playing and as I visualized the story of the song, it just cut right through all of the crap that I've been wrestling with all day.

All who sail the sea of faith 

Find out before too long 

How quickly blue skies can grow dark 

And gentle winds grow strong 

Suddenly fear is like white water 

Pounding on the soul 

Still we sail on knowing 

That our Lord is in control 

Sometimes He calms the storm 

With a whispered peace be still 

He can settle any sea 

But it doesn't mean He will 

Sometimes He holds us close 

And lets the wind and waves go wild 

Sometimes He calms the storm 

And other times He calms His child 

He has a reason for each trial 

That we pass through in life 

And though we're shaken 

We cannot be pulled apart from Christ 

No matter how the driving rain beats down 

On those who hold to faith 

A heart of trust will always

Right now, I don't feel like He's calming the storm in my life. I feel like He's just holding me close while the wind and waves go wild. 

So, while I do my best to stop worrying about things out of my control, I'm going to sit down and finish watching The Piano Guys on PBA and leave the dumb merit badges scattered across the table until tomorrow.

^35-38 Late that day he said to them, “Let’s go across to the other side.” They took him in the boat as he was. Other boats came along. A huge storm came up. Waves poured into the boat, threatening to sink it. And Jesus was in the stern, head on a pillow, sleeping! They roused him, saying, “Teacher, is it nothing to you that we’re going down?”

^39-40 Awake now, he told the wind to pipe down and said to the sea, “Quiet! Settle down!” The wind ran out of breath; the sea became smooth as glass. Jesus reprimanded the disciples: “Why are you such cowards? Don’t you have any faith at all?”
⁴¹ They were in absolute awe, staggered. “Who is this, anyway?” they asked. “Wind and sea at his beck and call!” Mark 4:35-41

I'm going to rest tonight knowing that I didn't miss much with Breaking Dawn, the HOA's bark is louder than their bite, the nasty guy next door might have shriveled himself permanently from sitting in his cauldron too long, merit badges can be glued on in emergency situations, He knows the hearts of my babies and can comfort them, and that He is capable of calming the raging seas in my brain with a single word if He feels like that is what's best for me.

Good night, all.

Sleepy Samba Line Dancing

Ok. This is going to be quick. I'm exhausted. We can talk about this more tomorrow. My day was split into three major chunks. After a nearly sleepless night with the baby squid lodged under my armpit through the storm and the house being like a sauna with the windows shut and non-operational air, I'm pooped.

Piece one of my day was dealing with the kids being with Eric. He picked them up at about 9:00 this morning and they're still with him tonight. I've NEVER been completely alone at night since Grant was born. I'm not going to delve too deep into this right now. As I look toward the now empty side of the bed where the little squid slept last night, her princess jammies are still balled up where she stripped. I miss her. I miss the big kids too but I know they can fend for themselves and verbalize their needs. They know Eric. Annie doesn't. Eric doesn't know half of the Annie-isms that keep her happy. Blech. I miss my babies.

The second and third pieces of the pie today were sort of like two separate pieces that just didn't get cut all the way through. I had a date tonight and he took me dancing. Let's just say that what was supposed to be swing dancing turned out to be salsa and samba. Um. The only thing those have in common is the letter S! However, I'll admit that I did enjoy it and would do it again without hesitation. I was much better at the whole samba thing than the salsa, though. My brain is as tired as my legs from all of the concentration. Um, but just as a note to myself, dancing is NOT a good first date sort of outing - especially Latin dancing where you're expected to be in close proximity to your dance partner. Majorly awkward! Stepping on his toes was the least of my worries! So, the dancing was something that I'd absolutely do again but the date... Here's the problem. By nature, I don't like to hurt anyone's feelings. However, there just wasn't a "click" with this guy. Crap. I'm not going to candy coat it. There wasn't even a "thud." These are those awkward things that you're supposed to deal with when you're in college. I'm too old to play these games. The guy was nice and a real gentleman (never married, no kids, well educated, spent years as a missionary) but... I'm just going to leave it at that. As we left, he called out to tell me that he'd be in contact with me about doing something else. I just smiled. Was I supposed to say, "No, thank you, dear sir?" When he calls, do I just ignore his calls? That sure doesn't sound like the right thing to do. I guess I'll just have to buck up and tell him. Too much drama!

I'm exhausted. Four hours of dancing and I'm completely done. But, here's what I can tell you. Tonight, I'm going to bed knowing that I took a huge step out of my comfort zone tonight. (I didn't realize how fearful I was of dance situations until the whole New Year's Eve debacle). I did it! I didn't stand against the wall. I didn't hide under a table (or in the bathroom). I'm not thrilled that my babies aren't here with me but I'm praying that He will comfort their hearts tonight if they are lonely or homesick. That's about all I can do.

Good night, all.

Reality Check

I'm just going to put the hazard warning right here at the front end of this blog. If you get your knickers in a knot easily, take your knickers off now or stop reading. Got it? Good!

What a day! After a very long and hot night (Seriously? Temperature hot, you stupid-head) without air conditioning, I was basically the keeper of the shark tank today. Everyone was snapping at each other and acting like they had territory to defend. Do they not know that it's all mine anyway? What's theirs is mine and what's mine is my own! Ok. I'll admit that I might be a bit on the snippy side, too. The kids all knew that Eric would be driving in from TX today so that added another layer to the whole drama.

So, I tried for a factory reset around 9:00 this morning (aka turn up the music as loud as it'll go and dance). Dasha turned her frown upside down first. Annie had a gripe about the playlist but managed to drag her lower lip off of the floor eventually  Grant... well, he was preoccupied with his dad's visit and I just let him keep dragging his lower lip and warned him that he'd better be careful when he peed because he might pee on his lips. Gross. Why do I say crap like that?

The reset held its effect for a nanosecond. Then, it was back to the drama.

I found this court jester under her bed crying. Geez. Reasoning with her is like arm wrestling with a squid on steroids. The final verdict of her tears was that she was mad that time wasn't working right for her. She didn't want to wait on her daddy to get "home." Blah. Insert knife and twist into my soul. I lured her out with an art project.

Then, I found her in Dasha's room. She had convinced Dasha to help her get her shoes on so she could go downstairs and wait for daddy. Of course, Dasha obeyed. (This is why Annie gets pissed with me when I don't obey. Everyone else does, so why wouldn't mom do the same)?

Then, I went to find the big ape and get the lowdown on Eric's ETA. Grant was rather engaged in some crazy Mario game and I literally had to stand in front of him to converse. Seriously? Once again, my TV, my X-box, my right to conjure up a major disappearing act with the technology! Do NOT ignore me just so you can make a pixelated man jump off a wall in hopes of landing on a cloud! Basically, the bottom line was that Eric's progress was slow due to the weather he was having to battle along the way.

While I had this ogre's attention, I had a major issue to hash out with him. Over the last few days, he's been working on a reading project which is due on Monday. (We won't talk about my strong dislike of homework over a break). Anyway, he seems to refuse to take responsibility for his own screw ups sometimes (many times) and likes to blame the teacher. Ok. Yeah. I know that there are some teachers out there who are complete jerks. However, no matter who (do I say who or whom? I can't ever get that stupid rule right) issued the assignment, the responsibility of getting the task done lies with Grant. He continued to throw insults and accusations at the teacher. Once again, he had some valid points and I really had to anchor my feet to the ground to avoid jumping on his bandwagon. As the conversation progressed, I found out that he'd emailed the teacher asking for some more specifics on the assignments. He gained a few stars in my book at that point. Heck. He was taking some responsibility. However, after I saw the email, I was appalled. The email had a tone reminiscent of a corporate takeover. The tone was definitely NOT what you would expect (demand) of a teacher / student relationship. I was majorly ticked.

Grant and I had a conversation about the example he's setting with his tone and how it does not portray grace or even respect. He returned my volley with, "Mom! You have to give respect to get respect!" Oh, my gosh! He was insinuating that the teacher needed to put her sword down before he'd put his down. I don't think so! I was racking my mind like a Rolodex being flipped through with tornado strength winds to figure out what to do or say to this absurd little creature! I do remember looking over toward the corner and seeing his arsenal of Nerf guns and thinking that this might be a time to employ the "spare the rod" using Nerf darts. What would Cliff Huxtable do? What would June and Ward Cleaver do? What would Dr. Dobson do?

Here's the problem. Grant is beginning to have his own life independent of me. He wants to be cool and he wants to fit in. I get it. I remember those torturous middle school years. How am I supposed to convince him to be different and act according to His commands instead of going with the flow and acting in accordance with the "world?" I feel like I set an example for him but this just ain't cutting it. There's got to be a more purposeful approach to this. Taking a "wait and see" course sure isn't right, either. I'm stuck. This is one of those moments when being a single mom with a son completely sucks. I can't understand exactly what it's like to be a fuzzy middle school boy and the example I set as a mom, is simply different than what a Godly father would set. So, my mind is sort of in a muddle about this. He completely took me by surprise. It was like being attacked by a gang of ninjas. I don't think there's a good answer to this one yet. This is something I'm just going to have to think on.

OK. I DELETED THIS PART. MAYBE I'LL REPOST IT TOMORROW. MAYBE NOT! 

So, moving on for now...

With my brain in a fuddle and my heart in a muddle, my mom called and wanted to see the kids before they head off with Eric. We headed that way. Grant decided to induct my poor mom into the world of YouTube and showed her Charlie videos along with Ain't Got Time for That. It was a moment of realization for my mom that Grant actually watches videos on his phone and he's not just texting or playing games.

While this was going on and I was sort of smoldering, my dad situated Annie in her favorite place, his chair, and gave her a bottle of Coke and turned Sponge Bob on. Nice. Note to self - don't leave the toddler unattended with Dad for too long! She has him wrapped around her little finger like nobody's business! I'm fearful of the day when she figures out just how much power she has over him!

So, the remainder of the evening was comprised of me taking Grant to his Nana's house where he'd rendezvous with Eric later tonight. The girls are piled up under Annie's bed watching a Veggie Tales movie for the hundredth time. And, I'm fighting the salad spinner feeling (see yesterday's post) and trying to just be quiet and still and wait on answers. Answers about dealing with a teenager's heart. Answers about fixing the air conditioning. Answers about the kids being with Eric for the next 48 hours. Answers about...

You wanna know the truth? I'm just lonely tonight. I hate storms - in the atmosphere, in my brain, and in my heart. Tonight is one of those nights that could easily drive me into the arms of the wrong person. Like I've said before, I completely understand how single women end up with the wrong person. The burden is so heavy sometimes, it would be easier to shack up with the first person that came along. Hey, I'm just telling the truth. Someone to help change smoke detectors. Someone to help crank the lawn mower. Someone to occupy the space next to me during the thunder and lightening. It's not that I'm discontent with my life. I've learned to love my independence. There are just blimps on the radar like tonight when loneliness sets in momentarily. Believe me, I'll shake it off in a few hours and with some sleep. I'm not going to settle for someone to simply occupy the space. I have no need for a living breathing mistake. (Yikes. That sounded sort of cruel but I've really had to be firm with myself on this matter).

Now that I've spilled the beans about my day, I know everyone can go to bed feeling better that I'm one step closer to certified insanity. But, as I've tried to do throughout this whole blog-a-rama, you simply need to know the truth. The truth is a lot less messy than it was three years ago. However, there are still spills that require some time to clean up. Tonight, there has been a spill. 

Funny. Less than five minutes ago, I said I wished that I had someone here to sit with me. Ha! Like I said, God definitely has a sense of humor! I now have a munchkin curled up next to me. She is not appreciative of the thunder, lightening, or the heat. Quite frankly, neither am I tonight.

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:2

Good night, all.

Living in a Salad Spinner

Today was the probably the most boring day yet for the kids. For me, however, it was a day filled with a bit too much energy!

During my doctor's appointment on Monday, "we" decided that I'd start taking a medication again that I'd taken a couple of years ago. I'm all for it because one of the side effects is weight loss. (I wish that was a side effect of chocolate chip cookies, too)! Anyway, the crazy thing about this medicine is what it does to my energy level. If I take the dumb stuff after 6:30 a.m., I won't be able to sleep at 10:00 p.m. I'm assuming that this stuff is kind of like legal speed.

So, this morning while the girls were playing "nicely" (this means using inside voices, no fingernails, and Barbie's aren't getting hurled in between their rooms), I ran to the drug store and picked up the medication. Did I mention that this crap is a Tier 3 drug so insurance only sneezes toward the cost of it. I, on the other hand, have to basically cough up a lung to pay for it. Oh well. Bottom line, I picked the stuff up and took the first dose. That was around 8:00 this morning.

By 9:30, I had started moving furniture. Poor Grant couldn't do much more than stare in horror. I did ask his assistance to move the treadmill from downstairs up the stairs into my bedroom. He didn't think I was serious until I started moving it myself. He quickly got with the plan. By noon, I'd moved every single piece of furniture downstairs that wasn't bolted down. I'm not kidding. The piano. The sofas. The kitchen table. The entertainment center. All of it. I moved it, cleaned under it, and then rearranged it. Then, I made lunch for the kids and called them out from under the sofa where they'd been hiding.

Her look sums up her reaction to the day's activities. She and Dasha cleaned their rooms to a spotless state in fear that I might let myself loose on their stuff!

However, as I was moving things around, I realized that those silly plug in air fresheners were empty. Yeah. I know. I've head before that those are major fire hazards. Heck, I've got three brand spanking new smoke detectors so I think I'm safe. (Stupid logic, huh)? Anyway, I also know that the chemicals in those things aren't great, either. I improvised. This was a stunt that was worthy of Pinterest!

I took the lid off of this stuff and poured a bit into the glass part of the air freshener and topped it off with water. Voila! Homemade Febreeze! It actually worked, too - that was the cool part!

I'll never pay another $5 for a stupid plug in again! Sometimes, I'm just brilliant! Sometimes.

As the day drug on, my body kept saying, "Stop it!" But my brain kept saying, "Go, go, go!" I kind of feel like a salad spinner. My body was the bowl that just wanted to wobble around from the inertia of my brain being on a spin cycle. Whew.

The good news is that it's now 9:15 and my house is cleaner than it has been in over a year! The bad news is that the salad spinner is still spinning and there's no more water left so my brains are just getting pushed up and oozed out of the spinner. I wonder when sleep will finally be allowed to slow the spinning?

Beyond this grand update of the boring day here at the Randolph compound, I can tell you the following things...

• The Hercules Hooks are still keeping Barbie and her blonde bombshells pinned to the wall. Who knew?
• My van will get two new tires tomorrow. Yes, I said TWO. This is called automotive maitenance on a budget. I figure that if the other two give out, I'll have enough energy to propel the entire van like Fred Flinstone! (The crazy folks at WalMart told me that I need "speed rated" tires because that's what was supposed to be on the MINI VAN! Get a grip, dude! I know it's a cool van and, yes, the speedometer has hit 120 mph (that's to Eric) but speed rated tires? No thanks! So, the van is going to a shop out in Deliverance territory where they'll put on whatever darn tires I want without hassling me!
• Grant hung curtain rods for me today and did the job like a pro. 
• While he was hanging those curtain rods, I noticed how stinking hairy his legs are and then realized that his voice is becoming more like Shrek than Pinocchio.
• I broke down and turned the air on but it's not getting any cooler in the house. Hmmmm.... I wonder if my dad could perform a miracle on the home AC unit like he did in the van.
• I ordered a new Bible because the one I keep next to my bed met its demise via a bottle of water. I'm apprehensive about a new Bible. I liked my old one. It had years' worth of notes in it. Maybe it will eventually dry out enough so I can turn the pages without them ripping and I can read some of the notes. I'll never use a felt-tipped pen to make notes in my Bible again, though. Romans and Ecclesiastes both look like someone dumped green slime across them. I ordered a "special" pen when I ordered the Bible, too. We'll see if it works as well as those darn Hercules Hooks!
• I'm hungry.

Well, wasn't that informational? You now know what went on behind the walls of the Randolph enclosure today. I thought about a trip to the lake for tomorrow but with the weather looking iffy, we might have to find plan B. (I'm pretty sure that moving the furniture around again tomorrow might be a little senseless).

Whatever you do, work at it wholeheartedly as though you were doing it for the Lord and not merely for people. Colossians 3:23

Good night, all.

Living Large from the Janitor's Closet

Today, I'm doing my best to praise Him even though I sort of feel like I'm not even in the hallway. I'm kind of feeling like I might be in the janitor's closet or in the elevator shaft. It was one of those, "You had me at hello," days which, once again, reaffirms my belief in His incredible sense of humor.

For the last week, I've been trying to rent the illusive zoo DVD from the library. If you're not familiar with this program, I hesitate to even tell you about it for fear I'll have more competition. Each library in the county has a couple of DVDs about the Atlanta zoo. All you have to do is "borrow" the DVD, say you watched it, and then you get a family pass to the zoo. That's what I'd planned to do this week for the big Ta Da! Well, it turned out more to be like the big Ta HA! I think you have to be on a very personal basis with the librarian to get your hands on those DVDs - if you know what I mean! I was even willing to drive to the library at the northern most point in the county. I wasn't being picky. I was simply being cheap! Do you know what it costs to go to the zoo these days? For me and the three amigos, it would be at least $80! Anyway, I obviously didn't get the darn golden ticket into the zoo and, since the weather is supposed to be questionable for the rest of the week, I gave up. We headed to the Chattahoochee Nature Center as plan B. (I use that term loosely).

Dasha, as usual, was grateful to get out of the house and go anywhere. The other chicken nuggets were terrified of the "killer" bumble bees that were everywhere and were the recipients of "the eyes" from me on more than one occasion. You would have thought that the wildest beast at the nature center (a beaver or an opossum) was after their blood.

I admit that there were one (or two or three) points where I sort of kind of maybe thought about letting them keep walking into the great unknown ALONE! Oh well. I figured they'd just end up falling off the boardwalk and then I'd get some crazy ticket for feeding the wildlife with my own children.

I think Annie was more amused with her boogers than the wildlife and gorgeous day. I'll admit that she didn't feel the best today after yesterday's tangle with the doctor but, in my book, she could have at least left the booger picking until she was strapped into her car seat with absolutely nothing better to do.

Even this poor little guy stuck around to see what would happen next. Or maybe he was protein deficient and waiting for Annie to flick a booger his way. Gross. Do you see what I've been reduced to today?

This was probably the most telling picture of the entire day. I think that it was about this point that I started doing mental calculations to figure out if FedEx makes a standard sized box that I could ship this monkey to TX in. Anyone else recognize that LOOK? Yeah. She is a mini version of Eric - sass and all.

By the time I finally cried, "Uncle," and headed the wildlife back toward the van, everyone was screaming about being hungry. Geez. These animals seem to think they need to eat more than once a day! I had an old gift certificate to a frozen yogurt joint so I decided that we'd call lunch the dairy portion of the day. The inmates didn't argue and Annie finished off her bowl and mine. She started eying Grant's but in a stand-off that would have been award winning footage for National Geographic, Grant managed to keep his own yogurt.

By the time we got home, Annie was fading fast. She was sort of like a cross between a constipated and grumpy old man and Eeyore. I sent the yogurt covered monkey to bed and within seconds, she was out for the count. (No. Benadry was not involved, thank you very much)!

When I woke her up after three hours, she was over the constipated grumpy old man attitude but had risen to a sassy status that I knew would have to be squelched quickly to avoid a major mutiny.

At some point, the troops started grumbling about hunger again and I threw together a lasagna and tossed it in the oven. I neglected to remember that there had been a major spill the last time I cooked, though, and when the oven heated up, the smoke detector (yep, the one I broke my wrist installing) started squealing. Grant started to make some smart comment about the glory of having the smoke detector dead if I was going to be cooking but he quickly slammed his yap shut when he saw the look on my face. Lucky for the troops, Grandma called and invited them for pizza. I turned the oven off and let the smoke detector keep alerting the neighbors that I was back in the cooking business and left. Mom wowed the kids with frozen pizzas and then produced the girls' Easter eggs from deep freeze and initiated a game of hide-the-two-week-old-eggs. I was hoping that she wouldn't let the kids seek them, but... She's a grandma and can't be stopped.

As the "kids" (this includes Grandma) played with the should be rotten eggs, she asked Annie if she'd played Barbies at home. Annie quickly told Grandma that my organization project had been a disastrous failure and that all of her Barbies were stuck under the plastic pockets. (See yesterday's entry if you're lost on this one). I quickly got defensive and told mom that it was NOT my fault and that 3M Command Strips were to be blamed. She gave me the "grow up" eyes and then ran into the house and resurfaced with a box of what looked like meat hooks to me.

She was so darn excited about the dumb hooks. Geez. She ranted that the ginormous mirror in the living room was hung with these things. Ha! Note to self - don't sit under that mirror! She insisted that I take a few and try them. Ok. Ok. Ok. Whatever. I humored her and put a couple in my pocket. Once again, my IQ has dropped drastically today. Do not put things with very sharp and pointy ends into your pocket. No good will come of it! Ouch!

When we finally got home, Annie insisted I use the Hiccup Ease clips to fix her Barbies. The name of the crazy daggers are Hercules hooks. I can't even say that without thinking of that scene from The Nutty Professor dinner scene. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, you must have more culture than I do)! Bottom line, with only a little trouble, I put the dumb hooks in. The first three went in without a problem. The fourth one, however, I needed to stick in exactly where a stud was. Of course. Ugh.

We shall see if the Barbies stay in place through the night. If they fall again, I'll probably just throw them all back into the Rubbermaid bucket and call it quits. It's kind of freaky to have all of those naked girls hanging from her wall, anyway.

While all of these distractions were going on today, I had my own little hurricanes swirling around in my head. It just seems like when I hit the threshold of thinking I'm going to lose my mind and knowing that I've lost my mind, the bottom falls out. Eric is coming into town at the end of the week and will be hosting the kids overnight. I've never been alone overnight in 13 years that I can remember. That should not stress me out. (And, I have some big plans that we'll talk about later. If I post them here and then chicken out... you all might take my Super Woman cape away from me). Then, the van had to have a new battery. Do you know that a car battery is a whole heck of a lot more expensive than a pack of AA batteries from WalMart? The same darn van also has to have new tires. Holy smokes! When I priced the tires, I was shocked enough but I didn't realize they charge you even more to put the stupid things ON the car. I guess it makes sense but I just hadn't budgeted for that. (This is one of those situations where my naivety of finances comes to bite me in the butt at a time when there's no wiggle room). The air also went out in the van but Dad did something to temporarily fix it. (When Dad "fixes" something miraculously, you don't ask any questions other than, "What do I say to the authorities when they question me?)" Add to that my own stupidity of using the online bill pay system and entering the payment for the water bill into the column for Children's Healthcare (that I didn't owe a thing to) and basically having to double pay the water bill until Children's coughs my money back up. So, you can see where my thoughts were during the day's activities. (Oh, and I also deleted my contacts in my phone, too)! But, despite all of this crap, I know that He is bigger and He's watching carefully to see if I'll continue to trust Him and walk this journey with integrity and faith. I probably made Him sad quite a few times today, but I pulled my act together - sort of. I also probably gave Him quite a few belly laughs!

If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.  Luke 16:10

 So, tonight, I'll do my best to wait patiently and walk out this crazy journey in a manner that would honor Him and set an example for my kids so that they would be able to look back when they're older and see His fingerprints on our family (and not just remember the fingerprints on the walls, windows, and basically every other touchable surface).

Good night, all.