Duct Tape Bras (or lack of) and My Senses

Ok. Let's face it. Along the way, I've had some pretty scary run ins with undergarments. Remember my dislike of Spanx? Click here for the story...  Well, this whole wedding dress drama has brought that hatred to the forefront. Let me start at the beginning. I ordered my dress from China. Yes, China. I picked the style online, sent them a few measurements, and then waited for weeks for the dress to arrive. What could possibly go wrong? I measured myself with one of those metal contractor's measuring tapes because I couldn't find the nice soft squishy one. Then, I took my own measurements. I even went back and double checked the measurements a second time. When one of the measurements was off by about five inches, I triple checked the numbers. Like I said, what could possibly go wrong? When the dress arrived, I was terrified to say the very least. I unpacked the dress and the front of it looked just like I'd expected it to minus the blinged out bow on the front. Oh well. What's a little extra bling? But, the back? Yikes. Somehow, I neglected to realize that the back of the dress had a huge cut out. The cut out is perfectly centered and reveals that back fat that looks like a butt crack if you look from the side. (Yeah, I've put some thought into this). Anyway, the bottom line was that there was no way a regular over the should boulder holder would work with this creation. I guess that problem was minimal, though. It was quite possible that the dress might have arrived and looked like something for a Barbie without back fat. So, I set off on a journey to figure out what the appropriate undergarment would be for this dress. I talked to some friends. (It's always good to talk to the girls when you're dealing with trying to corral the girls). They sent me to the land of Victoria's Secret. I didn't dare actually go to the store with the kids in tow. Can you imagine Annie running around the racks of unmentionables? I'm sure her antics would have been enough to make Victoria give up her secret. Anyway, I looked through their website and found this very special bra that I'd been referred to. That darn thing cost $58! Basically, the front was a bra and then instead of having a back, it had these sticky things on each side. The theory is that you'd just stick the bra to you and it would take care of the necessities in the front without showing through the hole in the back of my dress. Ugh. But, $58 for something that I would only wear for an hour? I'm way too cheap for that. My mind started going all Pinterest and Martha Stewart at the same time. What if I just cut the sides off of a regular bra and then used duct tape on the sides. I wish I was kidding. My brain really concocted this idea. Even worse? I tried it. Duct tape and skin aren't a good mix. And, the tape wouldn't stick to the sides of the bra so I ended up wrapping the tape all the way around the bra in the front too. Get the picture? (Yeah, I know everyone will need to Clorox their brains after getting the mental image). SO... I went back to the drawing board. I did what most Americans do and Googled my problem. I discovered that there's an entire industry devoted to this sort of dilemma. They actually make stickers that go THERE! Maybe this isn't news to anyone else. But, I was a mix of sheer horror and intrigue. I can just imagine Annie finding stickers like that to put on a project to give her Sunday school teacher!

 

Why do I need to buy stickers, though? I have duct tape. Oh, wait! Ouch! I'd already tried that and that didn't work so well. How about athletic tape? Dasha has this really cool tape that we use on her legs every now and then that's meant for skin and it sticks like glue until you use baby oil to get it off. Perfect.

We only had the hot pink variety. Oh well. It worked for a test run. I'm not going to go into any further detail but, let's just say that you should NOT use this tape on certain areas. (Think about nursing a baby shark and you might get the full experience).

 

Anyway, these are the sort of things that are driving me crazy right now. The unexpected hiccups and drama surrounding finalizing wedding plans is forcing me to lose focus on what's important right now. In twelve days, I'm marrying the man that I had too little faith to dream about. Who cares if my bra strap shows a bit?

 

Tonight, we met with the stringed trio who'll be playing during the ceremony. The sound of those three ladies playing the songs we'd selected was sort of like a gentle 2x4 to my soul. While there are a few things that I definitely wanted for the wedding, who cares about the rest of it. The stringed trio was on my want list along with the minister, the church, the man, and the family. Beyond that... I'm laying it all down.

 

To top off the craziness of trying to finalize plans, the kids seem to have kicked into super crazy mode. I'm trying so hard to keep my sense of humor intact and not lose it amongst the rat race. However, the harder I try to keep the convicts calm, they harder they push toward a mutiny.

 

Peek-a-boo. Look! It's a hat!

No! I don't want Curious George. I want something with words I can read!

This has been a favorite for every single Randolph child - especially once they've run off the other kids and can dominate the entire train table!

Not sure how long this took. These boxes started off FLAT and had to be folded into cute little rectangular prisms which will house cupcakes.

Stopped to get gas and realized that Polly Pocket had been decapitated and her mangled body had been laid to rest on the back bumper of the van. (I like this picture The van looks clean)!

I'm still looking for a way to trump this stunt. I have to admit that this was pretty good. I let me guard down and he got me!

I wonder what would happen if I decided to hide under a basket and pretend like I didn't exist for a few days.



   “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”
Matthew 6:25-27

 

Good night, all.