Wow. I’m not sure where to begin. The last month has been
nothing short of a roller coaster ride. Over the last several years, I've
compared my life to a roller coaster ride with its ups and downs. Right now, I
sort of feel like I’m at that moment where you finally step off of the coaster
and try to find your land legs again. I've learned enough on this journey to
know that there will still be some ups and downs, but I also know beyond a
shadow of a doubt that there’ll be someone there to pick me up and dust me off
and then set me back on my feet. (Yes, he might be laughing as he does it time
and time again as crazy as my life is, but he will be there).
There have been so many questions about this mystery Prince
Charming. And, yes, he was kept a mystery on purpose. The wedding was planned
long before the announcement was made. Have I mentioned that I don’t do drama
and I hate to be in the spotlight?
But, now that the fanfare has passed, I’ll give you a run
down on the details. When Ray and I met, we had both sort of come to the
conclusion that we’d live out our lives mateless and we were ok with that. He’d
decided to be a troll living in a cabin in the wilderness and I’d decided that
my duty would simply be to raise these children without sustaining (or rendering) permanent
damage. It always seems that God meets us when we finally decide to put our own
agendas down, though. After our first date, I’d decided that I would probably
never go out again. Ray was great, but how in the world was some single guy
without kids ever going to be a plausible part of the chaos that I was used to
calling LIFE? However, he called back and I took a risk and went out with him
again since the kids were with Eric and I didn't really want to be alone.
We talked for hours that day. I learned that he was a true
gentleman and, quite frankly, was lucky to be alive after brain cancer, a
traumatic head injury, and a stroke. I’d be willing to bet that most folks who
walk that sort of journey don’t end up with cheery outlooks on life. Anyway, as
we talked, it became blatantly apparent that we had an abundance in common
despite our differences. The talking continued and I finally let him meet the
kids. I figured that he would come to his senses and run for the hills at that
point. What man in their right mind would stick around for punishment from the
Randolph inmates? That was where I was wrong. Not only did Ray seem to enjoy
the torment the kids issued, but he actually seemed to encourage it! What? Now,
here’s where I could keep to the details or get real about what I was thinking.
I’ll go with real for now – no silicone implants here. Part of me was hoping
that the kids would send this man running for cover. I was sitting face to face
with a major fear factor. My heart and my mind were synching for once in my
lifetime and the reality of finding “the one” was flat out scary. I thought I
had “the one” before and look at what happened. What if I made the same mistake
again? What if this guy was an Emmy winning actor and was just playing the part
of a sane upstanding citizen and then turned loony. (Yes, I use the term “loony”
loosely since the sanity of this household is continually in question). I
simply couldn't run him off. So, I resorted to scare tactics. I started telling
him about Dasha and her “issues” and my “issues” (yes, believe it or not, I
have a few). But, he simply wouldn't run. In fact, he was sort of like the Pied
Piper with the kids. They loved him. Crap. Crap. Crap. I saw a sign once that referenced
not being afraid of the future but being afraid of repeating past mistakes.
Yep. That was the case 100%.
So, fast forward through all of the dating and getting to
know you stuff. This guy sort of “had me at hello” but I’d decided not to go
down without a fight. I threw every single piece of dirty laundry and every
ugly little family secret at him, and he purposed. The first proposal was
informal and matter-of-fact as we sat and talked one night. The “yes” that came
out of my mouth shocked me. However, with that yes came a sweet blanket of
contentment. Over the next few weeks, I kept peeking out from under that
blanket, though, looking for the skeletons that I was sure he’d hidden away in
his closet. He was just too darn perfect. Strong man of God (spent years overseas
ministering to families in the Dominican Republic), highly intelligent (can’t
play cards with the man because he is a math freak and can count cards),
patient beyond anything I could ever imagine, playful and mischievous, good
steward of resources, works at every job as if Jesus was standing there (don’t
ask me what he does for a living – it has to do with computers and he gets job
offers daily from all over the country so I think he’s pretty good at it), doesn't
mind having his hair in barrettes or being farted on by a teen-aged boy (no,
not by me)… check, check, and check. All of the little things that I’d put on a
list somewhere deep in my heart (not the farting part, though) and not even had the faith to hand over to God,
this man exhibited. Oh ye of little faith…
We planned the wedding. (Side note for the detail lovers –
ceremony at Berry College in the oldest chapel there, Barnwell Chapel, presided
over by our pastor, Aaron Johnson, with close family and friends). I kept looking for skeletons. We made it public. I kept looking for skeletons. We got married. I forgot about the skeletons. Now, I wouldn't be writing this if Ray didn't know about my skeleton hunting. I've told him more than once that I sort of keep waiting for something crazy to happen like him to announce that he’s really a woman, but… I know that I have been given a gift in Ray far greater than anything I could have conjured up on my own. Two single folks both traveling VERY different journeys that had free will to walk away from the first date, the second date, or even from the alter.
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| And... they're married! |
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| June and Ward with the married family |
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| If this cast looks familiar, it's because they all play roles in Christmas Vacation (otherwise known as my mom's extended family). |
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| Ray's family |
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| Some of the folks who work in the containment unit with me |
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| I believe I heard someone whisper, "Run, Forest, run!" |
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| It finally stopped raining just in time for guests to leave. |
However, the friendship we
have in each other is like nothing I've ever experienced. He laughs at the “quirks”
(that’s so much nicer than the word “issues”) I've developed over the last few
years regarding controlling things and being a perfectionist. He even tries to
do things to keep those quirks at bay. For example, this morning, he made the
bed and aligned the grid on the quilt with the footboard so that the quilt
hangs in a manner that I deem proper. He lets me iron his shirts (his
assumption was that if it said “wrinkle free” that a few hours of sweat and
body heat would magically render the clothes in perfect starched condition).
And, he even let’s me pick his clothes out the night before and put them in the
bathroom. I've got to tell you that this poor fellow has looked at me more than
once and I think his brain has been saying to him, “Run NOW, dude, while she’s
not looking!”
While I know that Ray and I will finish this journey on
Earth together, I won’t tell you that some of those old fears haven’t crept
back in to my mind just because we got married. I've dealt with the issue of
having alone time more than once. I’m used to putting the kids to bed and then
having a few hours to rule the house. This is something that Ray has dealt
with, as well. He was used to going home to an empty house and he and his cat
doing whatever they darn well pleased. Thank goodness, we've been able to
communicate and give each other space when we needed to. We've also dealt with
finances. I’m used to budgeting to the penny and accounting for every single
cent. There hasn't been room for anything extravagant. Ray was used to living
the bachelor life. Yes, he budgeted, but he did so within the confines of
providing for himself and the cat. I’m pretty sure that these are only going to
be the tip of the ice berg as we walk together. And, if I remember correctly, I
think there are going to be some differences simply because he’s a he and I’m a
she.
So, there’s the story in a nutshell. We met. I thought, “No
way.” He called. We went out again, and again, and again. He got serious. I got
scared. He proposed. I said, “Yes.” I got scared. I went skeleton hunting. He
gently reassured. He dared me to trust him fully. We got married. We are
learning to keep our own identities while building an “us,” as well. And, we
laugh, and laugh, and laugh knowing what we almost walked away from our
happily ever after.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch (er… asylum)… The kids are
adjusting and it’s hard to believe that it’s only been two weeks since we got
hitched. Things have taken on somewhat of a routine. I get up at the crack of
dawn and prepare of gourmet breakfast before sending my man off to work. Then,
I wake the darling children up and they happily scrub the house from top to
bottom. Ok. Obviously, I’m a bit delusional. Actually, it’s more like I grunt
as Ray leaves for work each morning and then I roll over and go back to sleep.
Then, I drag the kids from the beds and force them to help get the house
cleaned up and back into order before I go back to school next week. Probably
one of the funniest moments over the last couple of weeks was when I was
trying to get clothes ready for everyone one night. I could not find a shirt
that I was looking for. Ray sort of looked at me in a baffled way and alluded
to the fact that I seemed a bit dramatic which he wasn't used to. I might have
laughed so hard that I snorted. I explained to him that my drama over looking
for the shirt was about a 4 on a scale of 1 to 10 and that he’d most likely see
more than one episode of 10ish behavior over the next couple of weeks as we
get back into the school routine. Once again, I think his brain was telling him
to get out while the gettin’ was still good! At that point, he began to ask
what he could do to help keep me away from the 10 zone. The man actually hired
someone to help with the housework. No. I’m not kidding. Like I said, he really
does try to curtail my quirks and keep this house semi-drama free. But, we have
tried to enlist the kids’ help in combining households and organizing the
pieces of the Bat Cave that were brought here. As we moved stuff around last
weekend, I think I heard Ray and Grant oozing a few tears over the loss of the bachelor
pad. They were both good sports, though.
So many crazy things have happened over the last month, but
I just can’t get it all into words here. As things settle down, hopefully, I
can fill in the gaps. For now, rest assured that despite reality, we are a blissful little family and learning to operate as such.
Good night, all.
Psalm 37
1Do not fret because of those who are evil
or be envious of those who do wrong;
2for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.
3Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
5Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him and he will do this:
6He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.
